sad

displaced

I remember waking up and thinking you were next to me. I could have sworn I smelled your leftover cologne on my blanket. I even thought your shirt was still on my bathroom floor from the time we danced in the shower until I realized…. it was mine. Your toothbrush no longer leans on mine, your cologne no longer rests on my vanity.

I’m soaking wet, crouched in the corner of the shower mixing my sadness with regret, accompanied by shallow beats of the heart that was once there.

When will you come back? When will this all end?

I’m displaced since I am no longer placed near you.

 

 

11.26.19 ~  I heard a couple fighting in public. The girl yelled, “THEN TAKE YOUR TOOTHBRUSH”. This is my take on her feelings after he takes his toothbrush back. 

winter

Silence and noise anoint the background while my eyes stare at you from a distance
Faded laughs fill the space between us
My tongue and words are stuck while every effort in speaking to you is discouraged from the memory of our last meeting
Our desires to be together now irrelevant
Avoidance slowly slices the outskirts of my heart
The room remains cold like your character towards me
Space is only giving us heartache and destruction
Oh to knock on your door and see you again
To feel the warmth of your cheek pressed against mine
To have your embrace in due time
It pains me that this is how it is now
No wonder the skies grew dark and the air began to freeze
Oh baby oh baby, set me free

 

11.30.16

Written two years ago. Funny how old feels can still be relevant today. 

where’s home?

1

Golden legs lounged on top of the stands in front of her
While she tucks her hair back to compose once more
Tear ducts can no longer hold the oceans she’s keeping in
That flood from cheek to cheek
Her heart of honey is growing bitter
For the oceans have raged and salted her sweet
Glassed eyes stare through the net and gaze upon the diamond in front of her
When will she feel like home
When will it feel like home
When will change be her friend
Instead of feeling like there’s no happy end.

 

2

I want you to be here
Next to me using your thumb to wipe away the rain falling from my eyes
I want my chin to be comforted by the warmth of your palm while you tell me everything is going to be alright
I want you to feel like home so badly
But you can’t
You’re not even here
You don’t even exist.

 

10/5/18-

Baseball and softball fields are my safe haven but I hate baseball. I’ve been homesick for a while and I can’t do anything for it to feel like home. It’s frustrating even more when the one thing I actually want doesn’t exist right at this second nor do I have the time to fully indulge in it. Grad school has limited my desires, but hey maybe it’s a good thing?…